Although I often write about a slower pace and saying “no,” sometimes in the very back of my mind I think it doesn’t apply to me.
A small voice still echoes “do it all.” So I did for a long time.
Then when the pandemic hit and the music stopped, I was left with exhaustion and overwhelm.
I couldn’t do it all. I had to return to what I know works best—less.
I discovered a thyroid issue in quarantine that likely began over a year ago.
My energy had slowly dwindled, my runs got slower, and my brain was foggy.
Then one day while running with Kevin I couldn’t catch my breath and I shouted, “I HAVE TO STOP!”
Kevin and I were both shocked. It was my wake up call.
Screaming “I have to stop” mid run wasn’t just about my run. It was about everything.
I have to stop waiting on the kids. They need to do things for themselves.
I have to stop saying yes. Even to my kids and spouse. Need a glass of water? Get it yourself. Every little “yes” adds up.
I have to stop fighting exhaustion. I need a nap everyday. I wear out easily and I need to honor that and stop trying to be “tough.”
I have to stop waiting for perfect words. I have desperately missed writing here on the blog, but I felt like I needed certain words. I stopped writing to write….and now I am back. 🙂
I went back and read every post. I felt my passion return and felt myself remember what simplicity felt like.
I truly cannot do it all. I don’t want to. And I am going back to listening to myself.
As I try to heal my body and regain energy, other things have to stop. (But not writing here!!!)
And that is okay.