I Have To Stop

Although I often write about a slower pace and saying “no,” sometimes in the very back of my mind I think it doesn’t apply to me.

A small voice still echoes “do it all.” So I did for a long time.

Then when the pandemic hit and the music stopped, I was left with exhaustion and overwhelm.

I couldn’t do it all. I had to return to what I know works best—less.

I discovered a thyroid issue in quarantine that likely began over a year ago.

My energy had slowly dwindled, my runs got slower, and my brain was foggy.

Then one day while running with Kevin I couldn’t catch my breath and I shouted, “I HAVE TO STOP!”

Kevin and I were both shocked. It was my wake up call.

Screaming “I have to stop” mid run wasn’t just about my run. It was about everything.

I have to stop waiting on the kids. They need to do things for themselves.

I have to stop saying yes. Even to my kids and spouse. Need a glass of water? Get it yourself. Every little “yes” adds up.

I have to stop fighting exhaustion. I need a nap everyday. I wear out easily and I need to honor that and stop trying to be “tough.”

I have to stop waiting for perfect words. I have desperately missed writing here on the blog, but I felt like I needed certain words. I stopped writing to write….and now I am back. 🙂

I went back and read every post. I felt my passion return and felt myself remember what simplicity felt like.

I truly cannot do it all. I don’t want to. And I am going back to listening to myself.

As I try to heal my body and regain energy, other things have to stop. (But not writing here!!!)

And that is okay.

-Brittany

10 comments

  1. So nice to hear from you again! I chalked your absence up to COVID and all that means to an “everyone is home!” mom of 2 kiddos.
    I’ve been through thyroid issues. Happy you are regaining health and balance.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s nice to see you back! Please be kind to yourself. I find if I do just this one thing, then all else seems to fall into place. Best wishes Brittany.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I missed hearing your “voice” on the blog and am so glad you are back! Be gentle with yourself as you deal with your thyroid issues and recover. I think we all need to be gentle with ourselves and each other right now!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh girl, I wish I could give you a hug. I LOVE ‘hearing’ your heart and mind as you write. Thank you for using your life to encourage us as well. Praying you regain your strength/health and continue to have healthy boundaries of your ‘best yes’ as you move forward. What a great reminder for all of us.

    Like

  5. Hey Brittany – thank you for your gentle simplicity! I write to you from Melbourne, Australia as we endure our second 6-week lockdown (with curfew) whilst all the other states in Australia now enjoy a bit of post-covid freedom. Although often frustrated and sad this time has allowed me to focus on what I’ve always taken for granted… go wherever I want whenever I want, visit the shopping center, go to the cinema, etc. Now as this is (temporarily) not allowed I’ve focused on what I have – my health, love from my husband, a lovely, comfortable home, and access to family & friends via zoom. Gratitude is the word I’ve adopted for 2020! Go well and thank you! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Kerrie! I know it is hard to have so many things taken away and canceled. I agree with you though…my 2020 word from here out is going to be gratitude too! Thanks for reading!

      Like

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